On 16 May 11 it marked a huge a milestone in this writer's life. That was the day after launching both of my adult sons into their careers and adult lives and mommy can now back off and not orchestrate or suggest things. After years of college and school the youngest son is an ER Doc who will do his residency in Maine. The older son is an airline co pilot flying regional jets out of Chicago. Not saying this to brag but to attest to the work of the Lord in their lives and in mine along the way. It has been a journey. For moms it is hard to let go and 'launch'. It seems we always want to give advice or our 'two cents' as the saying goes. I tell my adult children I try to not suggest things but it is hard to break a pattern. But we have to move on and 'cut the cord' so to speak so they are launched into successful adult lives. If you are a mom, you did your part. Now it is time to let go and let God take control of their lives totally. Sure we will always be praying moms. That will never stop, but the relationship with adult children is different especially once they are married. I heard once the best thing for a young couple would be moving at least a days drive away from mom and dad after marriage so they could start their life out without interference from their families. Leave and cleave you know. Not to say families interfere because families are loving and caring but moms and dads need to learn when to step back and keep quiet and let their children sprout those wings. Oh so hard to do. Take it from one who knows.
In addition to the two new careers mentioned above the younger son also proposed to his sweet love of his life the day after graduation and she said yes! No dates are set yet but that is now going to be another truly 'letting go' and letting the 'other woman' be first in his life. I love my new daughter in law to be!! She is a special treasure and an answer to 26 years of praying. The perfect soul mate if there is such a thing. I am excited for both of them!
What does the Bible say about all this? First of all ,keep praying but don't keep prying. Trust God and keep communication lines open. It will not be the same and it is not supposed to be. They are not babies but adults with adult responsibilities. Proverbs 3:5-6 gives moms and dads a good verse to continue to pray.It says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths". You can do what we do in Moms in Touch and personalize the verse for your child. For instance say "and he will direct Matt's path" referring to my pilot son.
We can not keep letting our adult children be dependent upon us. Our government is trying to making health care for twenty six year olds a part of a family policy. At this age you are on your own and not supposed to be dependent on mommy and daddy. Each of us has to grow up and move on. Parents who cling too much make it hard on their children! Rejoice that you have done your part and step back now. No one wants to be spoon feeding an adult child. Each of us has to grow up and move on.
For those married leaving home or about to be married, an even a bigger challenge awaits some who are unable to let go. This is the leaving and cleaving part. Parents who get in the way of a childs' married life is not a good thing. Ephesians 5:31 says "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." See that, leave meaning "bye for now mom and dad" and cleave meaning "hello my darling spouse. I look forward to being man and wife and spending til death do us part together."
So how are you doing in your letting go? Do you try to snoop too much or interfere? Not good. Step back and ask God to lead you now in your brand new journey in a new chapter of your life. Your life is not over. God has great new things in store for you. Look forward to them. Get involved in anothers life and try new hobbies. Cherish those times you will have together and look forward to them but remember your son or daughter is now grown up and we need to remember that. Go places with your spouse and enjoy your new found freedom. You have done good. Celebrate!
PRAYER: Father thank you for your help in raising my children. Where did the years go? I thank you for getting me through good times and not so good. Thank you for the lessons you taught me along the way. Help me now as I seek to let my children truly be led by you and be the adults you want them to be. In Jesus Name. Amen.
It is my child that won`t let go. My daughter is a senior in college and at age 22 she is still expecting me to solve her issues. There are times when I just don`t have the answers and just want her to figure it out on her own. I am tired she truly drains me I just have no more to give financially and mentally. I pray for her often I just don`t want to be a bad parent. I have been very supportive all her life.
ReplyDelete